Suicide Notes From Beautiful Girls by Lynn Weingarten

Author:Lynn Weingarten [Weingarten, Lynn]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Juvenile Fiction, Mysteries & Detective Stories, Social Issues, Adolescence, Friendship, Social Themes, Runaways, Suicide
ISBN: 9781481418539
Google: 9E8RCgAAQBAJ
Amazon: 148141853X
Publisher: Simon Pulse
Published: 2015-07-06T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 28

Delia

Fire is hungry. It is a ravenous beast, devours everything in its path. It got inside me, somehow, and it is choking me. Most of the time I can barely breathe.

I don’t remember the last time my insides weren’t vibrating hot and sick. Ashling, the rest of them, they don’t quench it. But now the fire in my gut is shrinking. If I open my mouth, flames won’t leap from my lips. She is here, she is here, she is here. It is a surprise, but also I knew it all along. Deep down, I must have. I know that I did.

Lighting that match felt good. Going to that party. Meeting them, making this plan. It felt in-fucking-credible. But this is different.

I want to spin around laughing, fall over, stand up, do it again. I am a newborn fucking baby now, I’m so fresh and happy. I know that is only part of what is happening; there are layers. This is just one of them. I can’t be the kid, because I’m the damn adult here, so I have to keep my face calm and still. I feel Ashling staring at me, wondering what I’m thinking. So I do what I sometimes do when I feel like she’s trying to climb into my brain and I need to stop her—I turn and I kiss her on the mouth. Her lips are soft and she smells good. She always smells good, that’s the thing about this girl. Even when we haven’t showered for two days, alcohol climbing through her pores, teeth unbrushed. She tries to slip her tongue into my mouth, but I don’t want her to. Not now, at least.

I turn back to see what June’s doing, to make sure June’s still coming. She is hesitating, I can feel it. No one else would notice, but I know her, that’s how I know what it means.

I close my eyes for one moment, fire-bellied entire body vibrating. I can’t bear this.

Please, fucking God, let her come with us, let her come with me. After all this. Please.

I open my eyes. She is walking toward us, toward the van now. And my heart slows down, starts pounding, slows down all over again. The fire fizzles, lets off tendrils of soft gray smoke.

It has begun.

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